You know how when you see someone multiple times per week, you always have a zillion things to talk about? But then you go a few weeks without talking to that person and you just kind of sit there in almost awkward silence the whole time unsure of what to say? That’s how my blog feels. During NaBloPoMo, it’s all I can do to shush myself, but now that it’s been however long it’s been (I’m too lazy to check) since I blogged, I’m utterly speechless. And also afraid of the verbal/typed diarrhea that might ensue once I start.
Soren’s had a rough day, and it’s left me feeling frustrated and tired and helpless. It’s so maddening when he’s rubbing his eyes and swishing his poor, itchy head back and forth on his sheet and he Keeps Knocking His Pacifier out of his MOUTH. But I know he’s frustrated, too, and then I feel guilty for being annoyed with this tiny, nearly-helpless person I made and who didn’t choose to be born and so itchy all the time. I feel so itchy all of the time, and it leaves me wondering whether that will be the cause of my eventual descent into insanity. Being itchy is nearly unbearable. Right after Soren was born, my hormones sent my eczema through the roof, and I’d lie there, miserably exhausted next to my peacefully sleeping baby, madly scratching my still-puffy feet and legs against the sheets and bawling into my pillow.
Whew, that was a depressing little story. I actually had a very nice weekend full of nice things and resting and recovering and incredible weather. Just today, it was nearly 80 degrees! In April! I was mostly inside cradling my poor, sad, red-eyed baby, but I could see the loveliness outside.
My National Counseling Exam was on Saturday morning, and I experienced what was by far the worst case of text anxiety of my entire life. In the middle of the test, I was honestly planning out my escape route with trash can if I needed to throw up. I could hardly show the proctor my ID because my hands were shaking so badly. I worked through my study guide pretty thoroughly, I was under the incorrect understanding that the test was graded on a curve, and I’m generally an excellent test-taker, so I should have been pretty confident. Alas, this was not the case. And for good reason! The professor who’s taught most of our counseling classes, well, hasn’t, and this becomes problematic on an exam about counseling. I think I probably passed, as historic passing level has been around 60-70%, and surely I did at least that well, right? See, I’m terrified to actually write that, as my usual response to tests is Woe, Failure, Should Quit School and Life, Boo and then I do things like get the highest grade in the class. This optimism? I’m pretty terrified it’s going to get me a big fat fail. You could say that I’m superstitious. I’m actually really, really superstitious, yikes, and I detest that about myself. So, let me alter my previous statement about the test: Woe, Doom, I just Failed Grad School Like a Big Pathetic Faily-Failure.
But after the test! I had a sour stomach and heartburn all day. No, not that part; we went to Beverly’s for lunch! We brought Soren, and as I think it’s generally considered bad form to bring a baby to what is widely held to be the nicest restaurant in town, they had to bring a high chair up from Dockside, where the commoners and their children eat. The coffee at Beverly’s comes with this delightful tray of goodness. There are crystallized sugar and cinnamon sticks, fresh biscotti, and chocolate shavings! You could buy the whole family frappuccinos for the same price (not quite), but WHO CARES! It’s so fun to get little baby biscotti with your coffee. And lunch was delicious.
After mmm lunch, I went and got my hair highlighted and cut. My baby bangs (which, ew) and sideburns are becoming overwhelming, so it was time for real bangs and layers to hide them in. And a head massage! Ahhhhh. That evening, my mom came over and we took Soren for a nice, long walk.
Yesterday, we went to church and I took Soren for a run afterwards. I later finally did a few assignments for one of the classes I’ve been neglecting while attending to more panic inducing tasks such as NCEs and my Portfolio.
Speaking of the portfolio of doom and destruction: Soren slept like a dream from the day I turned that horrifying thing in until the day I brought it home for revisions. I cannot WAIT to get it back out of the house. Superstitious, you see?! Also, I think it might have a demon.
Ahem. I also got to have lunch with my Christina friend on Friday, and it was a wonderful time. Our babies…were there, too. We took her double BOB stroller, and now I have stroller envy. Mmm, a sun cover that actually BLOCKS THE SUN. WHAT? I know.
Also, Dayspring Midwifery- avoid.
Alright, well I feel like maybe this broke the ice a little bit? I can’t promise anything; I don’t graduate for another few weeks. But maybe, just maybe, I’ll start blogging again soon.